1. High Fashion
Mathias Guerrand- Hermès, better known as heir to the Hermès fashion empire, was charged with interfering with an Air France flight from Paris to New York in October. After Hermés allegedly harassed a female passenger and was asked by flight attendants to behave, the captain came out of the cockpit and tried to calm him down. Hermès would have none of it and, according to criminal charges, proceeded to grab the captain’s crotch, later taking a swing at him. It took three flight attendants and the captain to restrain the 37-yearold real estate investor with handcuffs and shackles. Law enforcement attributed his poor behavior to a large quantity of alcohol and the French pain reliever Propofan.
2. Animal House
The U.S. Department of Interior, the agency that collects oil and gas royalties, was the focus of a wide-ranging ethics investigation. According to reports delivered to Congress, financial self-dealing, accepting gifts from energy companies, cocaine use, and sexual misconduct were rampant. The department’s inspector general found there was a “culture of ethical failure.”
3. Subprime Exposure
Former Citi VP Michael J. McCarthy was fired for his idiotic blog, TakeAReport.com, which consistently veered into off-color topics. McCarthy’s literary gems aren’t worth repeating here, but to put it modestly, TAR was often homophobic, misogynistic, and generally frat-boyish. Not exactly what you would expect from a 35-year-old stock trader. Though he never revealed his employer or his real name on the blog—he was known by his pseudonym “Large”—his juvenile behavior caught up with him. In official HR terms, McCarthy was canned for “behavior that violated the firm’s code of conduct and policies.” Proof once again that just because you can blog, doesn’t mean you should.
4. Hold it
Employees at Telecom carrier Qwest might want to reconsider having that second cup of coffee. In an attempt to squeeze every drop of productivity out of the workforce, a company supervisor in Colorado distributed portable urinal bags to field crews to save time that would otherwise be spent looking for a public bathroom. A Qwest spokeswoman said there’s no official company policy stating employees must use the bags, and as it turns out, companies with a lot of field workers often offer such bags in lieu of old fashioned potty breaks. But the labor union officials weren’t having it. Reed Roberts of the Communications Workers of America told the Rocky Mountain News, “We deal with a lot of silliness in corporate America, but you’ve got to admit, it takes the freakin’ cake.”
5. How much for the pair?
People and London-based Hello! magazine split the $14 million price tag for pictures of Brad and Angelina’s twins. The single redeeming factor: all the money will go to the celebrity couple’s charity, the Jolie-Pitt Foundation.
6. Virtual Vixens
Parents in Britain are none too happy about a social networking site called Miss Bimbo. The virtual doll game (found at MissBimbo.com) starts players off with a busty, underwearclad girl and challenges them to ear “bimbo dollars” by purchasing sexy outfits, plastic surgery, and diet pills to achieve top bimbo status. The game has almost 200,000 players in Britain. The site boasts that the point is to make your bimbo the “hottest, coolest most intelligent and talented bimbo the world has ever known!”
7. Oh, Nuts
Here’s a tip: Make sure to say your new slogan aloud before launching an expensive TV campaign. Frito-Lay must’ve skipped this step when marketing its new product line, TrueNorth, as “an extraordinary nut snack.”
8. Please Delete Previous E-mail!
The “chief people officer” at media agency Carat learned the hard way the importance of double-checking the “TO” field before hitting “SEND.” The HR manager accidentally sent a private e-mail detailing staff cuts to the entire company.
9. Jerk Alert!
After a short stint in the iTunes App Store, an iPhone application called “I Am Rich” was removed. At a cost of $999.99, the useless application displays a glowing red jewel—and that’s all—to remind “you (and others when you show it to them) that you were rich enough to afford this.” The sad part is that eight copies were sold before it was made unavailable.
10. Anger Management
Attachmate CEO Jeff Hawn is not exactly what you’d call an animal lover. Upset that a neighbor’s bison were knocking his satellite dishes offline and leaving dung as a parting gift, Hawn invited 14 hunters onto his ranch property in central Colorado with orders to shoot to kill. Thirty-two bison were slaughtered in the subsequent free-for-all. The psycho software exec pleaded guilty to one count each of criminal mischief and animal cruelty, and agreed to pay $83,000 to the bison owner, $70,000 to charities, and $4,000 to the Park County Sheriff’s Department.
11. “It will make more money for us.” —Response from an executive at German energy firm E.ON when asked how high gas and oil prices could be affected by a harsh winter.
12. Lost in Translation
In anticipation of the Beijing Olympics this year, the Spanish men’s basketball team posed for a picture by pulling their eyes back to make them “look Chinese.” The photo, which ran in an ad for a Spanish courier company, elicited outrage from Chinese advocacy groups. Apparently oblivious to political correctness and bereft of common sense, some Spanish players insisted they were misinterpreted. José Manuel Calderón, a guard for the Toronto Raptors, said they were simply making an “Oriental expression” that was meant to be “somewhat loving.”
13. High Flying
As if criminal conspiracy and securities fraud charges weren’t enough, a pair of indictments against Broadcom co-founder Henry T. Nicholas III in June revealed some much shadier dealings. Among the allegations were that Nicholas sold cocaine, methamphetamine, and ecstasy from a warehouse in California. In an earlier civil suit, a construction company accused Nicholas of underpaying workers that were hired to build a sex lair under his house. Perhaps the most outrageous: it was reported that Nicholas smoked so much pot on a private jet that the pilot had to don an oxygen mask. Now it’s his career that’s up in smoke.
14. Diamonds Aren’t a Swiss Banker’s Best Friend
Who knew tax evasion could be so exciting? A midlevel banker at Swiss giant UBS, Bradley Birkenfeld, thought he could work his way up the ladder by offering clients hidden offshore accounts. Birkenfeld reeled in one star client: billionaire real-estate developer Igor Olenicoff. He even smuggled diamonds into the country in a toothpaste tube for another client. But it wasn’t long before the feds caught on, arresting Birkenfeld, spurring an investigation of UBS. Birkenfeld is headed to prison, his former boss has been indicted, and UBS is fighting a demand by prosecutors to turn over client names.
15. Great Expectations
Seventeen years and $13 million: the estimated time and money Axl Rose spent producing Guns N’ Roses’ mysterious and long-delayed album Chinese Democracy. Call him crazy, but the man knows how to build consumer anticipation.
16. Have Bailout Money, Will Travel
Despite being saved by a $150 billion bailout by the federal government during the financial crisis, executives at insurance giant AIG behaved less-than frugally when just days after the first installments, the company spent $440,000 on a posh outing at a California resort. Politicians and taxpayers were outraged at the tab, which included banquets, spa services, and golf outings. Then again, teetering on the brink of financial ruin can be stressful—a hot stone massage and frilly cocktail might be just what the doctor ordered.
17. Forecast: Harassment
The Weather Channel might seem tame, but underneath that exterior there’s a storm a-brewin’. When meteorologist Hillary Andrews filed a sexual harassment suit against co-worker Bob Stokes, she claimed Stokes came onto her with lines such as “Will you lick my swizzle stick?” and “It tortures me when you wear those heels and skirt.” Adding insult to injury, the network, which was up for sale at the time, transferred Andrews to the less-desirable overnight shift. Naturally, The Weather Channel faced a storm of criticism for trying to keep the controversy off the radar.
MBA Jungle, Winter 2008-2009